Boxes and Glue

Today I wrote a couple of haiku. I’m not very sure about how grammatical this one is:

The clouds are crying.
Ail for the silent, sudden
End of the Summer.

It occurred to me as a reaction of a sudden and slow rain that announced for all of Madrid that the Summer will be due in two weeks.

The other one is more interesting because it has a mistake that fits into the “interesting” category:

"You're so tall!!
You said while I was frozen,
lost in your green eyes.

It is interesting because the first verse it not correctly metered. I noticed a while after writing it, and I found it strange. I would never write it as “You are so tall!”, as Spanish metrics almost forbid me to count You-are as two silabs.
Where was the error coming from? I noticed soon. The sentence was real, and it was said in Spanish (or at least I remember it
in Spanish). In Spanish it has 5 silabs, and, furthermore, the global rhythm is much better. So I decided to switch it to Spanish and have my first multilingual haiku :):

"¡Eres tan alto!"
You said while I was frozen,
lost in your green eyes.

It even makes more sense given a strange, implicit and private rule I have for haiku in English :). And it would be part of my Eres muy alto series...

Hofstadter, in "Le ton beau de Marot" has one full chapter, if I remember correctly, devoted to such speech errors. I wonder, as I can’t remember, if he has such an error where the lexical (visual) level is taken from one language while the meter (rhythmic) level is taken from another...